The following is a work of fiction and is a hopeless attempt at satire. Do not attribute these views to mean that the author is disrespectful to any religion, religious texts or any cultural perspective.
While the ocean was being churned for the elixir of eternal life, the devas and the asuras had to stop play(this as you know is the right place if you typed Kurma Avataar on google and landed here after being unsatisfied with the previous 100 pages). You see Vishnu was tired, so tired that he just stopped time for a bit put everyone on pause mode(BR Chopra got that right!). He thought out aloud, "I could just end this right here and right now, these 'les miserables ' will fight for all eternity and I wouldn't have to land on Planet earth to teach virtuosity and righteousness to souls who are committed to genocide." Deeply disturbed he went to Kailaasa and called upon his colleague Shiva, who came out with his Intoxicant smoke pipe. They both reminisced about how 28.7 billion years into the future that they would enjoy the Gudaan Garam brand. So they broke the space time continuum and went to the Maha Bharata (the great land of India) circa 2010 AD.
"But Shiva do we really need to do our current job? I mean I am the Operator and you are the destroyer of evil and Bhrama gets to make us work around the clock according to his sleeping habits! Is it worth it?? I mean i have to come to this place 9 more times in a few billion years, a new get-up every time, re-work my exoskeleton and my thought process to punish and to teach!"
"Naryana, It is about perspective dear friend. Look at Hugh Jackman or Rebecca Romjin don't they go through the same ordeal for far less a deal? just a movie series trilogy and a few million dollars. You have an entire series of Amar Chitra Kathas and a blue film by James Cameron. Also may I add you have at least a 100 different self proclaimed God men using your teachings for the Sublime art of living, Karma Yoga and what have you not?"
"But why must this be so painful and ugly, a fish, a turtle, a boar, a lionhead? Why can't i skip to the more humane aspects of my role, vamana, rama, parasurama and krishna?? I mean that is where the fame lies? You know they will fight inter-religious wars just on the fictitious address of the place at which I will be born as Rama, ayodhya I think it will be called. What is the point 400 million devas and 200 million asuras who won't even matter!"
Shiva smiling at his friend,"You see you will get to do so much and become so great. Compare that with me! I get to be caricaturised as a moody, dancing, marijuana smoking and ascetic kinda of a person. They will actually think that I have Knotted hair with the moon and Ganga attached in it!!"
"You are a smoker! I keep telling you to quit, see what happens in the future! Well I agree they will be rather harsh on you. Your tiger skin look is so 1970's and the hair that is where they will get it wrong. May be we need to reveal to that fellow Raja Ravi Verma that you have straight long wet hair with a white bandana. Also I quite like the Ardhangini picture I think you and Parvati will look smashing together!"
"Now you are coming around to it aren't you? It doesn't matter if you are the proverbial fish or turtle what matters is you will lead to the creation of philosophies, cultural traditions, festivals and an awesome land of Bharata."
"I agree lets finish this off get back to the samudra manthan. But I do want to ask about Bharata. Look at what our actions will lead to, this Maha Bharata, the land of the corrupt, lawlessness and low moral standards."
"Narayana Naryana Narayana........you seem to forget that your actions also lead to clove flavoured cigarettes*, Rajnikanth and Sachin Tendulkar!!!"
*Cigarette or marijuana smoking is injurious to health. It is not cool even if it is depicted by famous people, celebrities or God heads.
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