Blitzkreig News

In our feature today we profile the return of our Prodigal Sons n Daughters.

A few estranged friends of our group who went across the seven seas to pursue post graduation came back to India for their year end vacation. The cultural kaleidoscope varies between two extremes. While some have a have a problem with the following and see it as a gross violation of self respect; Wet t-shirt competitions, publicly making out at a party, having copious amounts of intoxicants and foam filled swimming pools with scantily clothed females, others list the same facts to point out how America is the Land of the free and wild. The jury is still not out on that one, especially since I don’t earn 700$ a month for cleaning garbage.

BREAKING NEWS: SHEILA v/s MUNNI:

At a case hearing before the Mumbai High Court, Munni was refused any monetary compensation for being objectified by a Bollywood movie. The court pointed out to the popularity of a new hotter Sheila item number to say that the issue at hand is Jawaani (Sheila’s) and not Badnaami (Munni). This hearing follows close on the petition by normal men of the country who want a ban on torso exposure on the silver screen. A key activist had then said, “We do not want the country to know that we are supposed to work out and look like Hritik Roshan, John Abraham and Salman Khan. That is a gross violation of our right to being Lazy!” Reactions to the Sheila story are coming in thick and fast. In an exclusive interview to your favourite news channel, several B grade actors have moved to court to challenge the right of A list actors of being objectified. “We make a living out of this we can’t have short trunks and belly dancing in main stream movies.” Several regional parties have promised to support their cause as they see this as a threat to livelihood of the local citizens.

Sports now and………..

South Africa managed to bowl the Indian team under 150 runs. We managed to concede a lead of 482 runs. 3 South African Batsmen scored a century and more. Dale Steyn’s slowest delivery at 132 kmph is the combined average of Ishant and Sreesanth. Oh also we managed to lose the test match by an innings and 20 odd runs. But who cares the little master went past a 50 test centuries.

BREAKING NEWS: Exercise

In a break from everything gloomy in the world today I found out a few things about my physical being: I can jog for 15 minutes. I can almost overlap a 60 year old arthritis patient. I can see my toes without being obstructed by my belly. I can almost touch my toes. I have a hamstring. I have managed to pull it.
That’s all from the News Desk for tonight!